Okay. I kind of feel like one of thoes old nutjob therapists, but there are some things that fangirls are just terrified of.
One of these things, is first hearing that someone died / left the band that you're the Num1 ZOMGBBQ fan of / Became a sponsor of Apple computers...
Okay.
So, when one or more of thoes things happen (after the inital screaming, of course), you tell your parents what happened. They probably don't care. So you get on the internet as fast as you can to tell your friends what happened. They probably already know.
Fast forward a few months, and another strange phenominon like this occurs. What the puck, mate?Why is this happening to you, nay, the music industry, NAY, the world?!
Until now, no one had the answer. I was just as baffled as you!
It.Was.The.Japanese.Government.
And Aya.
As always.
BUT!!!!
Now brace yourself for this....
CANADA. Canada is in cahoots with the Japanese Government.
And with Gackt. But he's in league with everything evil and large.
So we'll get to that later.
Now, why do I just keep droning on about this? Because the sooner I tell you, the sooner you'd be able to leave without knowing the whole truth.
Because I garuntee you haven't guessed it by now.
And you won't leave till I tell you.
Will you?
Nope.
You won't.
Cause I got you hanging upside down from your chicken feet, bebeh.
Zees ish vat 'appened...
One day, Canada, being the evil piece of land that it is, realized that people everywhere were slowly getting into the hype that is Jmusic.
It was in Europe. America. And slowly spreading upwards to them...
Oh hellz no beetches.
Canada: Oh noez! Our youth, middle aged, old people, and left shoes!
World: You cannot escape the Jmusic...ahaha..bwahah...hehee...oh fuck how would a world laugh?!
Avril Lavigne: Uhm well I personally think...
Canada: SILENCE SKANK!
World:.....
So as that was going to nowhereland, I decided not to read the rest of that part.
Focus on THIS in your cinnamon roll.
First, we lost the lovely Pink Spider, hide. It was quite sad, shook fangirls and jrockers alike. We lost his lovely voice and sexy ass guitar skills. Because anyone with pink hair who plays guitar is sexy. But everyone still remembers him, so all is well. Right?...not for long.
---News Reporter: The world of entertainment was shaken tonight as hide, of X Japan and as a solo artist, was found dead...Oh, uhm, This just in! McDonalds have released what they call 'The McLobster!'
...
Okay! We've just been informed that they are now retracting all McLobster products!!---
Canada: oohz! Teh fangirls cannot get enough of that madd guitar skillz!
World:...and don't forget the hair.
Canada: >< who has pink hair like that?!
World: REAL men. Unlike -someone- I know.
Mars: oh bite me.
World: What?What? I said nothing *whistles*
Canada:....
Ahaha. You guys. ^.^
*cough* So, some time went by. Oh dear god. MALICE MIZER IS OVER!!....Okay, well Gackt left....and just when you started debating weather Gackt was worth killing yourself over, we lost another one. We lost the enigmatic drummer Kami. He was a pig who loved women and their breasts, but that made us love him more. He was the more 'manly' one of the group, but he had such a kind appearance, and never (usually) seemed menacing. And there was always that...hair...
---News Reporter: *sad faced* the world has been shaken once again. The well-known, and perhaps one of the most VK influential, band Malice Mizer has lost the life of their drummer Kami, after losing the sing....Ugh. This just in. It appears McDonalds are RE-launching the McLobster project. Style your hair before you eat it?!
...
-_- once again. They've changed their minds.---
Canada: Der's that hair again! The girlies go crazy over it!!
World: Oh yes. You know you want to touch it...stroke it...
Canada: Bah! Shut up! I must do something about this!
Avril Lavigne: Can I help? ^.^
Canada: WHAT DID I TELL YOU?!
Metallica: What about us?
World: BETRAYING ME AGAIN?!
....
...but what could Canada -really- do?
That is yet to come.
Hold on...I think that is Aya at my window again. He's in the Japanese Goverment as their spy. And as my mortal/fuzz ball of sugar enemy.
No. Just another rabies-infested squirrle.
Where I would be at 4 in the morning without thoes, I don't know.
Right! ^.^ Back to Jack...I mean. Conspiracy.
Shaisuke. If you know who Shaisuke is, you know he partook in every hardcore fangirl's dream.
Members of a band dating.
It was the band Baiser. Shaisuke was dating the singer, Yukari. Now, I was too in a daze to read why, but they split. Then Shaisuke died in a car crash. Then the band broke up. I think, "Oh. How woeful this is!" But Canada doesn't care (damn you Canada)!!!
---News Reporter: The streets are saddened tonight as one remembers Shaisuke, from the band Baiser. He was sadly killed as a result of a car crash and...
...
NO! I'M NOT TELLING THEM ABOUT THAT DAMNED MCLOBSTER! pssh don't get all dark with me! No one...ahh...AAAAAAAAH~!---
Canada: Oh holey canoles!
World: That was gay. Anyway, what are you whinning about now?
Canada: You don't even care that a large part of this world now things men dressed like women dating is hot?!
World: oh pssh. Everyone knows men dating in general is hot.
Canada: OH! I'm so ashamed to be stuck on you...
World: ahah, if I had a nickle for everytime I heard that..
Canada:.......
World: :( I'd have one nickle.
Canada: that's what I thought...Aight foos! This is getting out of hand!
*Canada calls in for backup*
Gackt: Yes? The Japanese Government said you needed me?
Canada: well, we need you for *whisper whisper*...
....
...zzz....
...o.o! Oh shit!
-_- Anyway.
Okay, so Canada was then aware of some of the very main things of Jrock Fandom.
The sikk musik skillz.
The hentai and the hair.
The yaoi.
But, what was that one thing that sent Canada over the edge?
One of the things Jmusic is most known for. Why American's used to steer clear, because they thought it was
Marilyn Manson.
The crossdressing.
Canada: Wowzies! I didn't know there were so many female jrockers!
World: pssh. No estrogen! These are dudes!
Canada: no way.
World: yes way.
Canada: no way.
World: yes way.
Canada: no way.
Gackt: this could go on for a while, master...
Japanese Government and Aya: SHUT UP PAWN!
World: -_-' Whatever. They're not.
WHATEVER HAPPENED TO MACHI?! Machi, the ravishing ruby crossdressing foo from Lareine. As I'm sure you know, Lareine took a break for a while. Whatever. Then, upon reformation, Machi was nowhere to be found.
They couldn't even proclaim him dead. For....they....already took him.
---News Rep....AYA?!: Oooh HEE HEE! *twirls* Helloz!! I gotted asked to tell you guys about our new McLobster! ^.^ It's just scrumptious and it features all the best Jro....ingreadients. ^.^ Yepprs!
>>
<<
Ooh noez! The Govnah has told meh that we are postponing the McLobster!..uhm, do I go now?..uh...*thinks about what his previous master told him. "In times of doubt, do the Para Para!!"* >>...*para paras*
Canada: THAT'S IT!
World: what? :) You surrender to the awsome powers of Jmusic in all it's glory?!
Canada: NO! Gackt, remember that plan we talked about?
Gackt: Yes. Will you be needing my extra skin now?
Somehow, SOMEWAY, we still had no clue what the crappz was going on.
Until they made that fatal mistake.
They released operation Getting Rid of Jrocker Influence they day of their next move.
The day Lareine looses the drummer, Kazumi.
But! Kazumi was not just leaving the band. He was leaving industry. But why?
The Japanese Government.
He leaves the industry the day they will grind his bones.
He is just accepting his fate.
You cannot escape the J.Government.
Mix him with special ingrediants.
As they have done with all the past jrockers.
Canadians will -eat- their creations.
Become immune to the effects of Jrockers.
Canada: Damn straight.
World: Oh god!one mistake, having Kazumi leave the same day they carry out their plans.
It all makes PERFECT sense.
March 21st.
The day of...
THE MCLOBSTER!!!!!!!!
Kami's hide's Madd Shaisuke's Machi's woman- Kazumi's
hair... Guit-sklz apparent yaoiness.. like...attributes.. submission to inevitable...
**And somewhere in there is Gackt's real flesh, for tenderness. But even the people that took these photos (right before they were shot, of course) didn't want to share to you what that looked like.**
****************************************************
_This just in! We are now aware that Yu~ki has been awarded the Medal of Honor for being the only surviving Jrocker to be targeted by the J.Governent, Canada, and their McLobsters. That is why he is in hiding. Please, no one tell them that he is farming emus and plattapusses in North Dakota.....fuck._
_Also! Diru will be holding a concert in New York on the 21st, they same day of the McLobster release. They think they can taunt that pansy-ass Canada...
Canada: HEY!
...>>. Right. But little do they know.
They're next._
